Weekly Reading: Spit what you cannot chew

No black cards this week, but it doesn't make this reading any lighter. The sheer excess of these two cards – the 10♦ and the 9♥ – tells me that something has worn out its welcome in our lives. Powerful emotions are holding us, obsessing us, keeping us from moving on – and soon they will burn us out. If they are not released, or channelled into something productive, they will drag us under.

Too much emotion, too much intensity over something that is dying, or already dead. We need to acknowledge that these feelings exist, and try to release them in a healthy way – through art, or counselling, or even through a physical activity. Perhaps we even need to cry out tears, allow ourselves to grieve over something that has not gone the way we hoped.

Tendra always speaks to me of things we drag with us even though they are just baggage. It's like carrying a corpse with you, hoping that it will love you or give you what you need... only it's dead. It ain't coming back any time soon. Also, it's about being a control-freak – hindering the flow of life because one needs to have everything under control.

And Gilles de Rais, the 9♥, is a very interesting card for this week. Last Wednesday we had a PCO "Underworld" meeting, and this was one of the cards we discussed. For me, it's always about powerful emotions that seek to be expressed... or threaten to drown us! I think it's no coincidence this card showed up... I'm curious to learn more about it, see how it will manifest. It's a scary card, but also filled with potentials, in my opinion.

PCO: Imagination isn't always wise...

Every now and then it happens again. I see myself eagerly giving away my personal power to an unreliable person, usually a man who has been much embellished by my own imagination. This particular man is unreachable and impossible in my case and I know it – I've been trying to stay away from him – but the magnetism is too strong and there are times I find myself wanting to drift away to my dream in which "impossible" is a matter of point of view.

That's when the crows caw caw me back to reality.
It's annoying as hell the sound they make, but it's much needed.

I don't often use the PCO to read for myself nowadays. But today, after much suffering over something that just can't be solved, I picked my deck and laid some cards for me using The Bridge Spread Ana Cortez teaches in her book.

Now, I hate these crows of the 5♠. It's spells trouble whenever they show up... but the funny thing here is that the 5♠ is in the "Gifts of the Present" position. What I am supposed to carry with me. How can such a bad card be a "gift"?

Hell well. It's a warning.

Hear the crows? They are like those dragons in the unknown corners of an old map saying "here be monsters". Don't tell them you haven't been warned, 'cause the are cawing their lungs out trying to make you stop on your tracks before you turn a little problem into a big mistake.

The other interesting point of this spread is the Jack of Clubs – Lancelot himself! – sitting in the position that points to the "Obstacle of the Present". One can't get any luckier than having a bunch of crows for a gift, and Mr. Apparently Perfect as an obstacle, but that's the case. The J♣ here unites with the Q♣, Leah (who is in the Past position of the spread) to show me that a lot of the problem is in my head. I've been dreaming and daydreaming and building castles in the air. I have let my imagination take control and now I want something I cannot have - because it does not exist.

Imagination is wonderful but it isn't always wise. My mind, for instance, is extremely skilled in taking a small bud of an idea and running away with it. When I come back to myself I have a huge tree in front of me; in fact, I am tangled in its roots.

I am like Leah, the Q♣, being carried away by my dream. Only instead of flying, I'm about to fall on my head, like her, who in this spread appears upside down.

But the crows choose this moment to come and caw caw caw caw until I pay attention. And that brings me to the last card, the future, at the same time painful and hopeful. The 7♥, Sword of Healing, tells me that healing is possible. But I have no choice. If I am to stop giving away my personal power, I'll have to cut the tree, extirpate this dream no matter how much comfort I find in it. 

The fruit of imagination – the kind that is never manifested – is always bitter. My personal power and self-esteem will not heal until I cut away the users, instead of giving them access to my resources because my imagination has given them the shiny veneer of a possible dream.