So, I want to share a quick reading I did about what happened to me during that Ceremony. I am always fascinated by spreads that answer the question rather pictographic way, such as this one. Follow me!
As the top card of this spread, we have the merry K♥,
Nicomiah, with a glass in his hand. Of all the male cards in the pack,
he is certainly the most receptive one, as well as the one most willing
to surrender to Dionysiac excesses. Here, he represents this very
receptiveness, combined with a desire for that oceanic feeling that
mind-altering substances and rituals often bring us.
However, his head is covered by the second card, Ignita, the A♦.
Nicomiah's face is covered by what looks like a hellish maw! It gives
our king a rather voracious appearance, like he's eager to drink
everything in his glass and then some! The lack of Spades/Earth cards in
this spread is a bit of a warning in this regard: Hearts/Water needs
earth to give it form and make it stable. Nicomiah is instead combining
with Diamonds/Fire, which usually makes for a wild ride.
The third card could not be more to the point: 7♥, the Sword of Healing, reminds us that the Ayahuasca Ceremony is not a place to 'get a little crazy' and 'have fun'. It's a healing ritual, so when you open yourself to it, you will receive some degree healing whether you are ready for it or not! So Nicomiah (K♥) is opening his mouth (A♦) to both receive the healing and release the purification implied by the 7♥ (in case you don't know, it's part of the process to vomit during Ayahuasca Ceremonies).
And
who is holding the hilt of the sword? The A♣ the Dream Moth himself!
Ethra has a prominent position in this reading, because it's the only
black card. While the top three cards refer to the external part of the
Ceremony, the A♣ is talking about what really happened on the inside.
For
some reason, I found this card a bit scary in this particular spread.
Something about the eyes glowing in the darkness... Ana's description of
it in The Doors of Somlipith helps elucidate it: "He [Ethra]
is emissary of the dream, the keyhole into the recesses of your own
mind. To fear him is to fear but your own secret wishes, your own secret
knowing" (p. 56). Ouch! So yes, the violent healing process came
from my own unconscious, and what turned it into a frightening
experience was my own secret fear.
Fear of what? To be honest, this is something I am still trying to figure out myself.
The cards were very clear: the Ayahuasca tea did exactly what it was meant to do. Nothing went wrong, except
my extreme negative reaction to the things that the tea unearthed from
my own self. That is not to say I should not take what I saw seriously.
The message, as hard as it was to receive it, still
rings true. But this reading helped me to put the horror of the episode
itself in perspective, as a part of a much longer journey into the truth
of my unconscious fears, which still have a forceful grip on me.