As young woman, my attention went to the 10s - the ladies of the pack. The first obvious choice would be Tendra, 10♦. I'm Sag Sun / Sag Asc / Aries Moon – which is more than enough fire for one person. But for some reason, I couldn't identify very much with Tendra's general personality... She is too bold and headstrong for me. It just didn't feel right.
Next in line was Fortuna (10♣). She is lovely, but not like me at all. I'm at best a fake carefree. Behind these smiling eyes there is stress, breathing-down-your-neck stress and anxiety. Tsk tsk. That won't do.
Then I came across Allegra, the 10♥. According to Ana Cortez, she is passionate, romantic, young at heart, vulnerable, risk-taking, impulsive, emotional, moody. Hey – that was me to the bone!
And thus Allegra became my PCO avatar for the next six years. Picture us running across a sunset-lit beach, meeting each other in a hug of joyous recognition. The end. Credits.
And thus Allegra became my PCO avatar for the next six years. Picture us running across a sunset-lit beach, meeting each other in a hug of joyous recognition. The end. Credits.
...wait a tic. This is not how it ends.
This is not how it ends because it doesn't end. I mean, it will end when I die, but until then I'm subject to the Wheel of Fortune just like the next fellow. And that means being subject to change.
And lately, much to my surprise, it seems the Powers have decided to change my own significator for me. Shouldn't I be surprised when, in the few readings I have done for myself lately, I constantly see Lady Terrene, the 10♠, showing me where I am? The only lady I didn't even consider when first choosing a significator for myself.
Who is this girl? Again, according to Ana Cortez: earthy, grounded (uh...), serving or subservient (eh?), melancholic (alright but...), nurturing, protecting, sensual (yeah, right), practical (mmm...), meek or modest (um, nope).
As you can see, I did not quite agree with the choice. So I just ignored her for a while. After the fifth time she showed up, I had to carefully extract my head from the sand and give it some thought.
Of course I haven't suddenly gone from moody and impulsive to meek and grounded. But changes happen in so many levels, and the truth is that every Court Card can represent an aspect of ourselves at some point. Some aspects are just more enduring than others, but we do change, different parts at different rates.
Last year was an intensive course in humbling for me. It's not about feeling like the doormat of the world. No, I've been humbled before life and its subtle rhythms... I've been forced to accept inaction. To accept that there was nothing I could do except carry on. To learn that I can't read the signs of fate if I'm rushing anxiously through life.
So this is what Terrene is representing. This change of vision, this acceptance of the rhythms that are greater than my desires. This purposeful stillness. This willingness to harness my own impulsive passions, to accept that the world won't spin according to my whims.
I became Terrene when I had to get out of my own selfish suffering to attend to my grandfather (who is fighting leukaemia) and to my mother. I became her when I had to be still and strong because my loved ones needed me to be strong for them. When I had to nourish them while feeling like I had nothing good to give.
I am becoming Terrene as I begin to grow into my role of a messenger, and accept to serve something that I still don't quite understand. As I begin to learn that things need time to happen – if it were on me, the seed would grow into a tree in 2 days time! I become her as I try to do my best with what I have in my hands right now, instead of pining away for what I don't have.
Sometimes I revolt against all this learning and becoming and whatnot. I want it all and I want it now! But since this rebelliousness is just as useful as battering my head against the wall, soon I settle back into trying to find a purpose in this journey.
Curiously enough, I have not shed completely Allegra, or even Tendra... they are part of me. I just threw away what wasn't working any more and made some space in myself for Terrene. Who knows, perhaps in the future I shall be dancing like Fortuna – and carefree for real.
This is not how it ends because it doesn't end. I mean, it will end when I die, but until then I'm subject to the Wheel of Fortune just like the next fellow. And that means being subject to change.
And lately, much to my surprise, it seems the Powers have decided to change my own significator for me. Shouldn't I be surprised when, in the few readings I have done for myself lately, I constantly see Lady Terrene, the 10♠, showing me where I am? The only lady I didn't even consider when first choosing a significator for myself.
Who is this girl? Again, according to Ana Cortez: earthy, grounded (uh...), serving or subservient (eh?), melancholic (alright but...), nurturing, protecting, sensual (yeah, right), practical (mmm...), meek or modest (um, nope).
As you can see, I did not quite agree with the choice. So I just ignored her for a while. After the fifth time she showed up, I had to carefully extract my head from the sand and give it some thought.
Of course I haven't suddenly gone from moody and impulsive to meek and grounded. But changes happen in so many levels, and the truth is that every Court Card can represent an aspect of ourselves at some point. Some aspects are just more enduring than others, but we do change, different parts at different rates.
Last year was an intensive course in humbling for me. It's not about feeling like the doormat of the world. No, I've been humbled before life and its subtle rhythms... I've been forced to accept inaction. To accept that there was nothing I could do except carry on. To learn that I can't read the signs of fate if I'm rushing anxiously through life.
So this is what Terrene is representing. This change of vision, this acceptance of the rhythms that are greater than my desires. This purposeful stillness. This willingness to harness my own impulsive passions, to accept that the world won't spin according to my whims.
I became Terrene when I had to get out of my own selfish suffering to attend to my grandfather (who is fighting leukaemia) and to my mother. I became her when I had to be still and strong because my loved ones needed me to be strong for them. When I had to nourish them while feeling like I had nothing good to give.
I am becoming Terrene as I begin to grow into my role of a messenger, and accept to serve something that I still don't quite understand. As I begin to learn that things need time to happen – if it were on me, the seed would grow into a tree in 2 days time! I become her as I try to do my best with what I have in my hands right now, instead of pining away for what I don't have.
Sometimes I revolt against all this learning and becoming and whatnot. I want it all and I want it now! But since this rebelliousness is just as useful as battering my head against the wall, soon I settle back into trying to find a purpose in this journey.
Curiously enough, I have not shed completely Allegra, or even Tendra... they are part of me. I just threw away what wasn't working any more and made some space in myself for Terrene. Who knows, perhaps in the future I shall be dancing like Fortuna – and carefree for real.
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