The past six months have been of great spiritual change for me. I have abandoned some beliefs that have sustained me for more than 20 years, and have turned to a new path. Now, a door has opened that will allow me to step more firmly into this new life… and I find myself hesitating at the threshold. Half of me wants to go, while the other half is afraid that I will lose myself, or cease to be who I am, in the process.
I asked the cards for some clarity regarding what is happening to me and drew two cards.
The first card is the 6♠, the Ruins, and it speaks of a past that is still lingering. First I thought this referred to my new path, which is grounded in a much older (and stricter) tradition than that which I have followed for many years. But then, it struck me that, despite having shed many of my past beliefs and practices, it is foolish of me to think that I have overcome the past entirely. For more than 20 years, my spirituality has shaped who I am, how I conduct my life, my choices and actions… obviously, a lot of it still lingers within me.
In this case, stepping into a new life will mean stepping into a new self. And that is very scary!
The second card is the 3♦, which in the Doors of Somlipith deck is called Severed Head. It uses the images of Tendra, the 10♦ in the vintage PCO deck. It also carries a slightly more negative tone to it, speaking of ambition and asking "what am I willing to sacrifice in order to achieve my goal?".
Again the card seems to have a double meaning. First, I need to sort within myself: do I feel that I am being called to 'deepen' my relation to this new path, or am I seeking to 'achieve' something? With the combination of Spades and Diamonds, the obligation aspect seems to be particularly strong. And second, I need to answer the 3♦'s challenge: am I willing to let go of the past? Can I sacrifice what I think is certain about myself in order to be made anew?
The combination of suits, once more, suggest a certain fixedness and hardness. I am still fixed (♠) in my ego (♦), and unable to die to my old self. I am willing to 'do the right things', but I'm not a as ready to be transformed, yet. The softening influence of the two missing suits – Hearts and Clubs – is much needed here!
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